Flammable Icing and Barbie Dolls
by Fatal Instigator
Summary: Magneto's b'day is coming up, and it's up to the Acolytes to throw it! Unfortunately they are complete idots, so good times ahead! Discontinued
1. I like fire

Pyromaniac: Wow I haven't written for a while. Anyway this is what you get when you listen to Madonna's "Dress you up in my love" on repeat, while at the same time going crazy due to the fact that you haven't seen X Men Evolution for a month...somebody please kill me. My cousin Elle helped with the idea... even though she doesn't have a clue who half the characters are.  
  
Elle: That's not true, I know who Peter Parker is!  
  
Pyromaniac: Lie down Elle and take a nap.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own X Men Evolution, but I do own you.  
  
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Scene opens to Magneto's new headquarters...located in the basement of the local YMCA.  
  
Pietro had called a meeting using the Acolytes signal in the sky. John is rocking back and forth in the corner, his hands are wrapped around something small that he is staring at with great amusement. Remy is lying on the floor and petting his newest issue of Maxim. Sabertooth is playing with his Barbie's Summer Home. Pietro looks at them and groans. He glanced at his watch. "Where is Peter?"  
  
"I like fire" John sang.  
  
Remy had opened his magazine and was inhaling the perfumy smell.  
  
"I really like fire!"  
  
"Wow, this issue is filled with great tips! Mmm, 101 ways to please your man. Yes thank-you, daddy wants to know the secret to wearing thongs."  
  
Pietro continued to pace around the room. "Shut up guys!"  
  
"Guess what? I like fire" John sang.  
  
"EEK! Skipper lost her head!" Sabertooth began to cry hysterically. Pietro sighed and popped the doll head back on. Sabertooth giggled and hugged his dolly. "Nurse Pietro saved you!"  
  
"I like fire!"  
  
"Wow, a whole article dedicated to 'Sleepover Fun!'" Remy drooled. "And the fold-out is a pillow fight! God bless America!"  
  
"I like fire!"  
  
"Really guys, SHUT UP!" Pietro began to bang his head against the wall.  
  
"Hey guys - guess what?"  
  
Pietro screamed and threw a chair at a wall. "Agh, John is you say 'fire' one more time I will break off your arm and shove it so far up your ass that you will be shaking hands with your spleen!" He squats and sits in front of John and smiles sweetly. "Now, what were you going to say?"  
  
John shoved his favorite lighter behind his back...."Um, it wasn't the F- word, if that is what you were thinking. I um, pet a puppy today on the way to the meeting....it's name was Spot."  
  
"I like puppies!" exclaimed Sabertooth, as he combed his Malibu Barbie's hair. "Especially with BBQ sauce, mmm."  
  
Everyone stares.  
  
"Anyway" Remy said quickly. "Why did ya wanna see us Pietro?"  
  
"Well" Pietro said with a girlish giggle. "I wanted to wait for Peter before I said anything, but..." He twirled around and threw his arms around himself. "My daddy's birthday is coming, and I need your help to throw a party. Wanda's being a meanie and wouldn't let me throw one at our place!"  
  
"Ya gotta be kiddin" Remy said with a chuckle. "What makes ya think that we wanna give a party to th-"  
  
"Did someone say party?!" Peter cried running into the room. "With balloons and noise makers?"  
  
"Yeah and a piñata and a big cake with lots of candles!"  
  
"Fire?" John said tearing his eyes away from Sabertooth's Barbie doll. "I'll help!"  
  
"Can Barbie come?" Sabertooth asked  
  
"Yeah sure!....but she has to bring a present"  
  
"I'm in" Sabertooth said happily  
  
"What about you Remy, you going to help too?" Pietro said giving him the evil eye.  
  
"Is there going to be a girl in the cake?" Remy asked sweetly.  
  
John quickly looked up at Remy "I'll go in the cake if you want Remy-luv" he said with a hopeful expression on his face.  
  
Remy shuddered and quietly said no as he slowly backed away to the other side of the room.  
  
"Well then, I think we got ourselves a party to take care of" Pietro said with a grin. "Daddy's birthday is in one week, we must hurry! Peter you get the supplies, John get the cake, and Remy we need a girl.  
  
"Can do!" Remy said running out the door to lord knows where.  
  
"What can I do?" Sabertooth asked crying softly at the fact that he wasn't included in the plan.  
  
"Umm you can keep daddy away from here until the big day" Pietro said.  
  
"Okay!"  
  
"Alright troops fall out" Pietro paused and stared at the pile up of bodies at the door. "Not literally."  
  
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Pyromaniac: Review and I will burn down your houses!  
  
Elle: Don't you mean "or"?  
  
Pyromaniac: Um, sure. 


	2. Does it come in pink?

**Pyromaniac****: Muwahahaha I'm back! Wow I got reviews, I'm so happy! Anyway umm I had a little accident with this chapter, I deleted the beginning of it, so I had to start it over again. Hehe opps. **

**Monkey Chan/Elle/other personalities****: Shut-up you liar! All you had was notes in ketch-up written on McDonald's napkins!**

**Pyromaniac****: I like their Big Mac's, Is that so wrong?**

**Cow: Yes!**

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For the next couple of weeks the gang worked long and hard. Sabertooth had gone searching for Magneto towing a wagon holding his Barbie Summer Fun Dream House and plastic playmates. While Remy went clubbing, searching for the perfect girl (and getting his share of the action on the way). 

Pietro smiled he got those idiots to do all the work, and all he had to do was show his pretty face on the day of the party. He burst out in maniacal laughter at the thought of his daddy giving him a promotion. John and Peter looked at him with a worried expression of their faces. Pietro giggled then sighed and left the room. "Damn that gorgeous Pietro, he's nothing but a daddy's girl" John angrily said secretly hoping that Pietro had heard the compliment.

"Um, don't you mean daddy's boy? "

"Have you seen the way he runs?"

"Good point"

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Meanwhile at McDonald's Remy was holding auditions for the cake girl.

"Okay, it says here on your application that your name is Candy, you are 25, a part-time stripper, and a single mom." Remy looked at the applicant. "But your McDonald's name tag says Bob……. And you are fat with gray hair and a mustache.

"I can make my stomach talk"

"Intriguing, come back tomorrow. Meanwhile I will have a chicken nugget Kids Meal."

"Okay, giggle," said Bob as he danced back to the counter.

"NEXT!" Remy screamed.

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Random shots of Sabertooth having a picnic with his Barbies.

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"I love this, does it come in pink?" Pietro twirled around in his new jumpsuit. The other children in Wal-Mart stared at him. "Oh no, I have to get Daddy's gift and here I am once again in the little girl's section. Curse my lack of self control, curse it – ohh, ruffles!" After two hours of trying on the Little Miss fashions, Pietro left with two bags and a huge grin. "I love shopping excursions!"

He walked around the mall. "Now where did I leave Peter and John?" He found them stuck in a tiny rocket ride by the water fountain.

"You pay this time!" Shouted Peter.

John was crammed underneath him. "Sure luv, let me just, relax before I get my quarter out." Peter began to grow nervous as John searched for the quarter.

"Hey, that's my pocket!"

"Heh heh, sorry luv. Ah here it is!" John found the quarter and dropped it into the coin slot.

"Wheee, we're Space Men!"

Pietro watched happily. "Sigh, my little boys are growing up right before my eyes!"

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Random shots of Sabertooth pushing a swing with Hawaiian Barbie on it.

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Back at the mall with Pietro, Peter, and John.

"Peter, John, did you get the supplies for the party yet?" Pietro asked them, when the ride was finally over.

"Umm no"

"I'm going to get daddy's gift, and you guys better get the supplies" Pietro snapped. "Or I won't sign your names on the card"

"Yes sir!" Peter said saluting.

"Wow Pietro has a nice ass!" John said with a grin watching Pietro's retreating backside.

"He does…….I'm jealous." Peter whispered. "Anyway gotta another quarter?"

"Hell ya!"

"Wheeeeee!"

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	3. Look cherié no pants!

**Pyromaniac****: Yea I'm all alone…….so alone. This chap was sooooo hard to write, you better like it…….or else! Oh yea, I forgot to thank my reviewers………so thanks!**

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Last time we saw the gang, Pietro was shopping, Peter and John were playing Spacemen, Remy had went to McDonalds, and Sabertooth played with his Barbies.

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"A card, a card I need a birthday card" Pietro mumbled as he browsed through the card aisle at the mall. "Awwww it's a picture of a puppy wuppy! He's so cute! Daddy will love him-and oh? What's this? The Powerpuff Girls? Screw the puppy I'm getting this!

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"Wow lookie at all the kitties!" John said excitedly pulling on Peter's arm. "Please can I get one? I promise I'll play with it every day!"

"That's what you said about the hamster, and do you remember what happened to it?"

"Yes sir"

"Good, now lets get out of here, those guys keep pointing at us and giggling"

"Hey! That guy over there who keeps blowing us kisses looks so much like that freaky dude who took care of the boss's daughter!"

"Oh dear lord it is him! Run!"

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"Wow, who would've thought that there was so many girls in this town. I don't know who to choose!" Remy said looking at all applications. "I should have hired Bob on the spot. I need a drink" Remy jumped up and ran out the door to the nearest bar…….only to get distracted by a group of teenage girls. "Hey!" he yelled to them. When they looked over he threw a bunch of his business cards at then. "Call me!" 

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Meanwhile John and Peter had split up.

"Hmm, Pietro said I had to get low budget games, but what games would the boss like?" Peter said looking around the mall. He stopped suddenly. "How about put-the-magnet-on-the-fridge? He'll love that!"

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John skipped down the sidewalk singing the 'Care Bears' theme song. "Heheheh I love my job!"

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Random shots of Sabertooth walking old ladies across the street.

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"Why didn't I think of this sooner?" Pietro asked himself as he posed for an artist on the boardwalk. "The perfect gift for daddy is me! There, all done shopping!" Pietro ran off as fast as his girly legs could carry him. He needed to get back at headquarters first.

And he did.

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"There you are John" Pietro said as John leapt into the room gracefully. "Did you get the cake?" Pietro asked

John giggled, "A funny thing happened on the way to the Bakery." He said, "I met this REALLY nice old man. He offered to sell me these magical beans that he had. So I bought them. I was broke so I started to come home, and I went across this bridge. And there was another guy with magic beans. So I jumped him. Turns out he was my reflection in the water, and a fish ate the beans that I dropped. And that's when I learned my lesson of the day: A penny saved is a chicken hatched."

"So……you didn't get the cake?" Pietro asked

John giggled again "Well I did find these car tires that we can stick icing on, and then Remy's girl can jump out of them." 

Pietro looked at him "Where did you get the tires?"

S_cene cuts to Scott coming out of the mansion to the car garage._

"What the hell happened to my car?" Scott yelled

_Scene goes back to the YMCA, secret HQ of Acolytes._

"Um, around." John said sweating a bit

"Well, I guess that'll do." Pietro mumbled 

Peter walks in with a large sack slung over his shoulder.

"Peter" Pietro cried spotting him "About time you got here, did'ya get my daddy's piñata?"

"Um no, but good 'ol Kurt here-" Peter opens the sack reveling a gagged Kurt "-decided to volunteer"

The gagged Kurt violently shakes his head no

"Thanks Kurt!" Pietro said smiling "Anyone seen Remy?"

"Ummmm" Peter said trailing off

_Scene cuts to when Peter was walking back to HQ_

"Hey Petes! Lookie at me!" A voice yelled from above him

Peter looks up and sees Remy dancing on top of a building in his boxers with Bob from McDonald's and a bottle in his hand.

"For the love of god, Remy La Beau you come down here right now!" Peter scolded, stamping his foot.

Remy giggled "Hehehe look cherié! No pants!"

"Remy, that's very nice, now come down here and put on your pants."

"Viva la Resistance!" Remy cried ripping his boxers off.

"Good thing John isn't here, but then again-" Peter pulls out his trusty camera "-I can use this for blackmail later"

_Scene once again goes back to Pietro and the gang_

"Somewhere" Peter said stroking his camera.

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**Pyromaniac: There! Another chapter done. Please review!**


	4. Can we borrow some sugar?

**Pyromaniac****: 'Dude Where's My Car?' gotta be the most brilliantly stupid comedy ever made**

**Monkey Chan****: What about 'Night at the Roxbury'?**

**Pyromaniac****: ……. Deep. Anywho, this chapter is long but filled with the same repeated, plagiarized joke!**

**Monkey Chan****: DUDE!**

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_"Reproduction, reproduction." _John burst out singing._ "Baby, give it to me now." _He ran over to Pietro and threw his arms around him._ "Reproduction, reproduction. Is that all you think about? Reproduction. Come on baby show me that you really love me so- _Oh my god! A squirrel!" He let go of Pietro, grabbed his butterfly net and ran after the squirrel. 

"That's new." Pietro commented watching John run out the door. "Usually he sings _"I Feel like A Woman_"

"Dude" Peter said suddenly. "Where's your dad?"

"Dude, where's my dad?"

"Dude, where's your dad?"

"Dude where's my dad?"

"Dude, where's your dad?"

"Dude where's my dad?"

"Dude, where's your dad?"

"Dude where's my dad?"

"*Snicker* "

"Dude, it's not funny dude, where's my dad dude?"

One hour, thirty-two minutes, and forty-five seconds later.

"Dude where's your dad?"

"Where's my dad, dude?"

"Dude, where's your dad?"

"Dudes!" John cried running into the room, with a squirrel on his shoulder. "I think I know how to find your dad, dude"

"Dude, you do?"

"Ya, dude. That Sabertooth dude is keeping your dad busy, dude."

"Dude, how are we going to find that Sabertooth dude, who has Pietro's scary dad, dude?"

"I know just the dude!" Pietro cried jumping to his feet. "To the Acolyte mobile!"

"Tra la la la la!"

After several wrong turns and dead ends, they finally make it out of the garage.

"Dude, who would have thought that the garage door would be the way out?" Peter said looking back at the slightly demolished garage.

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Random shots of Sabertooth running through a field with squirrels and bunnies

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"Aw finally the perfect place to pick up some ladies" A now sober Remy said with a grin looking up at the sign **'Bayville Elementary School.'** "They must have girls here!"

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More shots of Sabertooth playing with little animals

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Back to Remy:

"Now do you understand the terms for this assignment?" Remy asked sitting down in a plastic chair four sizes too small.

"Dolly!"

"Um no, I don't want to play with dolly right now…….but you know I can't resist your face, let's play!"

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"Oh my God! It's Barney! Barney, Barney over here!" Sabertooth cried waving his arms trying to get his hero's attention.

"What the-" 'Barney' managed to get out before he was tackled by a giant kitty

"Can I get your autograph? Pretty please with sugar on top!

"Security!"

"Eep!"

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"That was fun, we should do it again" Remy said waving to all the little girls.

"Bye!"

"Wait tell I tell the gang. Hehehe they are going to be soooo jealous"

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Pietro, Peter, John, and the squirrel arrive, dressed up in black ninja suits outside Xavier's mansion.

"Okay guys remember the plan." Pietro began "Get Logan out of there without anyone seeing us." He knocked on the door, and smiled evilly when Kitty opened it.

"Let me do the talking." Pietro said looking at his followers.

"No! You always do the talking" whined Peter.

"Let me do the talking for once, mate!"

"Umm…….hello?" said a confused looking Kitty.

Pietro cleared his throat. "Well hello there, we're the new neighbours! Can we borrow some sugar?"

"Oh, okay!" Kitty cried "Wait a minute……..aren't you the guys who attacked us?"

"A lot of people have, you gotta be more specific" commented Pietro, looking at the guy with the helmet on his head that was crashing through a nearby wall.

Kitty groaned. "We just finished cleaning up after the rabid monkey incident!" She stared at them. "Yeah, I am pretty sure we fought you at the bowling alley two days ago."

"Um……..no." Peter said, looking over his shoulder at his accomplices. "That was our evil twin brothers, Padre, Smith, and Bob!"

"Okay! Come on in, I'll get some sugar." Kitty said letting them in, and started walking towards the kitchen.

"We'll just wait for you……upstairs" Pietro said edging toward the staircase.

"Have fun!" Kitty called.

Pietro, Peter, John and the squirrel run upstairs, and hid in the broom closet.

John giggled and looked around. "Rather cozy in here-luv". 

Peter, Pietro and the squirrel looked at each other and edged away from John

"Anyway, Peter" Pietro started "Do you have the cookies for bait?"

Peter looked up with a stuffed face "Mupahw?"

"Those were my cookies!" cried Pietro. 

"Don't worry, we can use his stamp collection instead" John said with a smile.

"Nooooooooooooo! Without that my life is meaningless" 

"Too late" Pietro threw the book out in the hall. 

Logan walks by, and picks it up flipping through it "Hey! I don't have that one yet!"

"Jump him boys!" John ordered. 

And they do.

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**Pyromaniac: On the last chapter (I think), a reviewer asked if I was paring John with Pietro. The answer, my dear reviewer, is most likely not. (But I am thinking of making a slash fic for the sure fun of it!) I'm just having fun making John flirt with Pietro and Remy (I'll leave Peter alone) It's so much fun, and very easy as well! **

**Another thing is, I had to make Remy sober again…….but he'll probably get drunk soon. Hehehehehe, fun, fun.**

**Monkey Chan: Can I have my squirrel back?**

**Pyromaniac: Hell no!**

**Squirrel: Chirp?**


	5. It's breezy!

**Pyromaniac****: Well I have to admit something. I have no idea how to end this story. I have two ideas though, and I might use one of them. Or I might make an alternate ending. But if you guys can think of something, maybe I'll use it instead. Also I know I haven't been using any accents, I'm just too lazy to try.**

**Anyway, todd fan**** you ****want the Brotherhood? Here ya go! ****evolutionary spider here's the X Men.**

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Last time me saw our 'heroes' they had just captured Logan to track down Sabertooth. Now they are currently walking in the park

"Alright badger-boy, where's the kitty?" Pietro asked Logan.

"I just realized something," Peter said with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Wouldn't make more sense if we got Logan to find your dad instead of getting him to find Sabertooth, so he could get your dad?"

"……….shut up"

"Well, I'm a big fan for kidnapping" Logan said looking at John. "But did you have to put a leather leash and collar on me?"

John giggled and smiled flirtatiously as he pulled on the leash. "Heel boy!"

"Kill me"

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At the Brotherhood of Mutants swinging pad.

_"One hundred bottles of beer on the wall. One hundred bottles of beer. We take one down, pass it around. Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall_!" Remy and the Brotherhood sang.

"Aw I should have joined you guys instead!" A completely drunk Remy cried. He looked over and smiled at Wanda. "You like cake cherié?"

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Meanwhile at the Mansion

"Um Kitty" Rogue said glancing around. "Where's Kurt?……and Logan?"

"Yea!" Scott cried running into the room. "And what happened to my car?"

Kitty looked at them with a clueless expression on her face.

Rogue and Scott sighed. "Never mind"

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"So fearless leader" Peter said. "Where do we go now?"

"Well" Pietro said thoughtfully. "We could either go through the meadow where all the pretty bunnies and squirrels are having a party"

"We got an invitation!" John interrupted pointing at himself and his squirrel friend.

"I wasn't invited" Peter mumbled. "John only got in because he's with the squirrel"

"If I could continue"

"Sorry"

"Anyway, we could either go through the meadow where all the pretty bunnies and squirrels are having a party. Or we can go through the scary forest, where it is rumored that the trees are alive. Decisions, decisions" Pietro rubbed his chin. "I think it's time we used my secret weapon!"

Peter, John and the squirrel quickly threw on cheerleading outfits. "Go Pietro, go Pietro! It's your birthday! You're the man! I believe ya can fly!!!!" They cheered.

Peter adjusted his skirt. "These show a lot of skin," he said looking extremely nervous.

John giggled. "It's breezy!"

The squirrel shuddered.

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"I've got the funniest feeling that I have to do something important," Sabertooth said. "Oh yea! I gotta get my laundry!"

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"Alright gang, it's time we used……." Pietro sighed. "Can I get a drum roll?"

The gang all pounded on drums.

"The amazing, stupendous" Pietro continued. "Vibrating sheep of doom!" he cried holding up a vibrating sheep.

Everyone gasps.

"Yea that's right. Bow down to it's amazing….doomness!"

"What does it do?" Logan asked

Pietro smirked. "Oh, that's for later."

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**Pyromaniac: I just want to point out now that the vibrating sheep of doom; isn't what you think it is. Perverts. It's a pull string toy. Only $4.99! Order now while they are in stock! Call 1-800-EVL-PYRO. Operators are standing by……. Perverts.**


	6. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

**Pyromaniac****: Once again Monkey Chan is not with me. She's at work again.**

**Anywho. Kelly, I read your John/Remy slash fic! I loved it! **

**I might make a slash fic after I finish this, I don't know yet…..Buwahahaha I'll make it a threesome!  **

**Alison Sky - I forgot all about that movie! That movie was brilliant, squirrel talk shall come soon.**

**evolutionary spider - Uh…hehehehe I never did see that episode. I have to watch X Men Evolution on YTV, and they're still on second season. I never even got to see The Hex Factor, Operation: Rebirth, or Day of Reckoning Part 1 and 2 Though the powers of the internet let me see all of season 3…except the one you asked me about.**

**Oh, due to popular demand the squirrel shall be their mascot! He will be in all my future stories.******

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John grabbed the vibrating sheep of doom from Pietro's hand. "How is it going to tell us which way to go?"

"Oh it's not going to tell us" Pietro grabbed the vibrating sheep of doom back. "It's going to show us!"

"Okay…….how?"

Pietro held his hand up to his mouth and laughed evilly. "You lowly mortals wouldn't understand the amount of evil knowledge this vibrating sheep of doom contains in its small little body!" He lifted it to the sky. "Now the time has come. Oh mystical vibrating sheep of doom, please tell us which way to go." He threw it in the air, and turned to his followers. "If lands on it's head; we all go through the meadow where all the pretty bunnies and squirrels are having a party" he explained. "But-" He posed dramatically. "If it lands on its side we must go through the scary forest, where it is rumoured that the trees are alive!"

"Come on scary forest!" they chanted. 

The sheep landed on its head. "Damn" Logan said muffling a laugh. "You guys are stuck with the bunnies!"

Pietro glanced behind him. "Hey is that….uh…some chick you were stalking for the past few years?"

Logan quickly turned around. "Mrs Grey! Where?" As he looked around for Jean's mother, Pietro lightly kicked the vibrating sheep of doom on its side. Logan turned back to the group. "She's not there"

Pietro hid a smile. "She wasn't? Oh my mistake, anyway" he pointed to the vibrating sheep of doom. "Lookie! It's on its side. To the scary forest, men! Forward march!"

"Hup-two-three-four"

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Sabertooth took a sip of his diet coke. "I know I forgot to do something," he thought as he looked through his day-planner. "Now let's see. I played Barbies, had a picnic, got my laundry, destroyed the sun and used its power to take over Mexico, what else do I have to do?" He dropped his diet coke. "Oh crap the boss!"

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"You know what would make this scene complete?" John asked as he, Logan, the squirrel, Pietro, and Peter walked through the scary forest, where it is rumoured that the trees are alive.

Logan looked up at him. "Letting me walk on my feet?"

"Oh no silly" John pulled on the leash. "Badgers can't walk like us human-beans!"

Peter looked at Pietro. "You want to correct him or should I?"

"Just let it pass Peter"

"Fine then silly-billies!" John gave Logan's leash to Peter and quickly linked his arm with Pietro's. "I'll tell you. Singing a song from the Wizard of Oz will make this trip to the scary forest complete."

"I'm game!" Peter cried.

"_Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!_" John started to sing. "_Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!_"

Pietro sighed as the rest of the group joined John. "_Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!_ _Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!_ _Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!_"

A giant shape jumped right in front of them.

"A Lion!"

"A Tiger!"

"A Bear!"

"My pants!"

"Chirp!"

"Uh no, I'm a tree" The giant shape said.

"Oh….how ya doin?!"

"Good, good. My name's Treebert! But you might know me as scary tree #3 from the hit film Lord of The Rings: Two Towers"

"Oh!" Peter cried. "I thought you looked familiar! Can I have you autograph?"

"No I want his autograph!"

"Aw obsessed fans" Treebert smiled. "You guys make the world a perfect place, but how the hell did you manage to get here?"

Pietro smiled. "It's my daddy's birthday, and we decided to throw him a party. Our friend Remy is gone to get a girl for daddy's birthday cake, and Sabertooth had to keep daddy away from our secret headquarters"

"So….what are you doing here?"

"Oh, we realized that we didn't tell Sabertooth when to get daddy for the party, so we kidnapped Logan to find Sabertooth so we can tell him to find daddy"

"Why didn't you get Logan to get your dad?"

Pietro glanced over at a smirking Peter. "Shut up that's why!"

"Oh, okay. I gotta go, bye guys!"

"Bye!"

"Oh" Treebert turned around. "You guys better be careful, there are rumors that there are a couple of little 3-foot men running around here. They might be armed and dangerous" he gave them a cheesy grin. "Have fun!"

"Well" Logan remarked watching Treebark walk away. "That's something you don't see everyday"

"We got nothing to fear!" Peter cried. "No one can defeat us!" He stood on a cliff in a dramatic pose, as waves crashed down behind him, and trumpets blared. "We shall be victorious!"

"Yea!" the gang cheered. 

The sound of wolves could be heard in the distance. The gang glanced around and grabbed each other in a group hug. "I'm scared mommy!"

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**Pyromaniac****: Another chapter down. Review please!**


	7. But I can turn invisible!

**Pyromaniac:**** Wow, I've been getting a lot of reviews for this story……*sniff* I love you guys!**

**I haven't been telling you guys where Magneto is because……it's a secret.**

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"Um guys? Can I go home now? Guys?" Kurt looked around the room. It had been 2 days sense Peter had left him there. "I'm so lonely" he looked at the only doll that Sabertooth had 'forgotten' to bring. "So Ken, I guess it's just you and me."

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"Okay, now I know we are lost" Peter declared as he tripped over the same root that he tripped over the last 5 times they arrived at the same spot.

"Yeah" agreed John "Are you sure you know where Sabes is Logan?"

"Oh, I forgot we were looking for him" Logan grinned and put his hand behind his head. "Hehe my bad"

Pietro sighed and looked around. "Where's the squirrel? He's like disappeared"

"Noooooo!" John ran around in circles. "Sensei? Where are you?"

"Chirp!"

"Sensei! There you are!"

"Chirp"

"Squeak chirp?"

"Chirp, chirp!"

"What are they sayin?" Peter poked Pietro. "I don't like being left out"

"Guys!" John picked up the squirrel. "Look! It's so shiny"

"What is?"

"This ring that sensei found" John held it up. "Isn't it shiny?"

"It is" The gang gathered in for a closer look…and was then tackled by a bunch of little creatures.

"Bonanza!!"

"Gargoyle!" Logan ran around, hitting his back with a giant branch trying to get the creature off. "Get it off, get it off!"

"Da ring!  Wes gotta get it back boys!" The little creatures ran towards John and the squirrel, trying to get the shiny ring.

John looked at them and squealed in delight. "They're so cute!" He picked one up and hugged it. "I'll name him Super Dude"

"Wait!" Peter ran over and grabbed one of the creatures. "This is a hobbit! I saw a couple of them in a movie…I think it was called Trolls"

The gang nodded in agreement.

"Ah, actually it was called-"

"It was called Trolls"

"Fine then, yo." One of the hobbits walked over and high-fived Pietro. "Yo! Da name's Elijah Wood, but ya can call me Frodo"

"Cool"

"And these are me homies; Sam the man, Pippin the hippin, and Merry so scary"

John glared at Merry. "I liked Super Dude better"

"So" Sam smirked. "Now dat all da introductions are settled, can ya give us our ring back? We gotta get this motha f**ka to the scary hole of freakiness, yo!"

The gang giggled, "You talk funny"

"Shut up, yo!"

"Hey" Pietro walked over and poked him in the chest. "Nobody tells my gang to shut up, you 3-foot freaks"

The hobbits walked over to them, snapping their fingers as gang music played in the distance. Merry stopped in front of John and grabbed the squirrel. "Take dat, fool!"

The gang watched in horror as tears sprung up in John's eyes. "Sensei" he whispered.

Pietro glared at Merry. "Nobody takes my scary stalker's squirrel away from him. Prepare for war!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Remy and the brotherhood start singing _Camp Granada_.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Pokemon battle music starts playing 

Pietro grabbed a bouncy ball from his pocket, and threw it at the hobbits. "I choose you, Vibrating sheep of doom!" He then threw the vibrating sheep of doom after the bouncy ball.

The hobbits looked at each other and nodded. "Go! Pippin" Frodo cried throwing Pippin in the battlefield.

"Vibrating sheep of doom, use…something attack!"

The vibrating sheep of doom does something.

Frodo gasped. "No way, yo! Ya knocked off 45.2 points of ma Pippin." He glared at Pietro. "Pippin, 10 24!"

Pippin also does something, but the vibrating sheep of doom falls over and the attack misses.

"Oh yea, who's da bomb? That's me"

"Hey, that's how we talk foo. Ya can't use da bomb!"

John fell on his knees. "Remy always talked like that…or maybe it was Todd, I don't remember"

"If we can get back to da battle?"

"Sorry"

"Pippin kick dat vibrating sheep of doom right back to where it can from, yo!"

Pippin runs to kick the vibrating sheep of doom…but falls on a banana peel that magically appeared.

"Now's our chance! Logan go and finish him off"

And Logan does.

"Bam!"

Pietro does cool victory dance. "Oh yea, I am da bomb! Take that losers."

The gang cheers.

Pietro walked over and kicked Merry in the shins. "Give us the squirrel"

"Here ya go"

"Yeah!"

Pietro gave the squirrel back to John. "Let that be a lesson to you. Shiny things lead to trouble. Now, let's get Sabes!"

Logan laughed nervously. "You want me to find Sabertooth?"

"Well, yes. Why? Can't you find him?"

Logan burst into tears. "I can't sniff him out! He always called me before hand, to tell me he was coming"

"Why didn't you tell us that sooner?"

"I just wanted to feel big"

Sam walked over to him. "There, there Mr. Logan" he said in a crisp accent. "It's not the size that matters, it's how you use it"

"Are you coming on to me?"

"Uh…no"

Peter looked at Frodo. "You guys know how to get out of here?"

Frodo grinned. "It's gonna cost ya"

The squirrel sighed and reached its paw out for the ring that John was holding.

"But I can turn invisible!"

The squirrel shook his head no.

John gave him the ring and grabbed Pietro's hand. "My hero!"

"Wes a better be goin" Frodo said when he got the ring back. "Oh, and da exit is to ya left. Ta ta"

The hobbits left.

"Let's go home." Peter cried.

"Yeah!"

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Pyromaniac:**** Okay, just to clear things up, the squirrel is not named Sensei. That's just what John calls him.**

**You better review!**


	8. Dude, your sister's hot!

**Pyromaniac****: *Laughs nervously* Um, I didn't mean to have Sam sayin' that line, it was supposed to be Pippin. Sam was only going to say the whole "It's not the size that matters" thing. My bad.**

**On the plus side, I've been working a little on my Todd song-fic. I might delete it though. I don't like the way it's going.**

**I have been listening to my old burnt CDs, and I've found a couple of songs that I might use for X Men Evolution song-fics. **

**Also, my slash-fic won't be up for a long time, because I have no idea what so ever for it, and every time I think of writing it, I blush. But for you slash lovers, there's a little bit of slashy fun in this chapter.**

**I'll probably be finished this story soon. I have one more chapter to go, maybe two, I dunno yet. I have a lot of work to do this week, so it should be finished around the 13th**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Magneto chuckled. "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" He smiled and leaned back in his lazy boy. "I love Saturday mornings"

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Xavier zoomed down the hall of the **Xavier School for the Gifted** in his wheelchair. "Wheeeeeeeee! Uh oh! Somebody stop me!"

Hank looked up from his spot in the kitchen. "That was odd, I thought I heard something smash into the wall." He took a sip of Gin. "Oh well"

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"So, what are we going to do with Logan?" Peter pulled on the leash again. "He keeps stopping and sniffing things…it's creepy"

John giggled. "I dunno"

"We can knock him out and throw his body in the woods. Or we can-John!  Stop it, you're making me uncomfortable!"

John giggled again. "Oh Pietro, my knight in shining armor. You rescued Sensei from the evil hobbits. How can I repay you?" He batted his eyes and leaned in towards Pietro.

Pietro gulped. "Peter….little help?"

Peter looked up at the 'love birds', and made a disgusted face. "Get a room." He stopped walking. "Is that Remy down the street?"

John quickly let go of Pietro. "Remy-luv's back?!"

_Sappy music starts playing._

"John!" Remy dropped the two sacks he was carrying, and started running towards John.

"Remy-luv!" John ran towards Remy and threw his arms around him.

_Sappy music stops._

"I don't know if I should feel relieved or jealous" Pietro remarked.

"Uh, how 'bout a little of both."

"Good idea"

Peter shoved Pietro. "It was my idea!"

"I know-"

"Don't take my idea!"

"I'll take your idea if I want to!"

At this point both the boys were in an all out brawl.

The squirrel shook his head sadly.

Logan sighed and scratched his head. "Hey Remy, what did you bring?"

Remy smiled and reached for the sack closest to him. "I got a girl for da cake"

Pietro and Peter grinned. "Open, open, open!"

Remy opened the sack to reveal…a gagged Wanda! Remy looked up at Pietro. "Why's ya mouth open?"

"That's my sister!"

"Oh! This dis is **your** sister Wanda. I thought dis was a different Wanda. She doesn't resemble you or your father at all."

"She takes after our mother, who wasn't mentioned in the show."

"Well I better bring her back. It'll be a bit awkward, with the whole jumping out of the cake in a tiny, skimpy, little outfit for your dad's party"

Pietro shuddered.

"It's probably for da best." Remy started to open the other sack. "I wasn't allowed to bring her unless dis guy came."

Todd grinned and jumped out of the sack. "Come on baby cakes" he said picking Wanda up. "Wes got a long way home." 

The gang waved goodbye.

"So, John, Peter…squirrel. Why are ya wearing cheerleading outfits?"

John linked arms with Remy. "It's a long story Remy-luv. Shall we discuss it over…I dunno… say dinner?"

"Sure! Who's da scary short dude?

"That's Mr. Logan, he's ever so funny!"

"……okay"

Pietro cleared his throat. "Let's go find Sabertooth"

Logan nodded. "It can't be that hard to find a giant kitty."

They looked around the street and groaned at the amount of people wearing giant kitty outfits.

"Oh I forgot today was the annual 'Dress Up as a Feline Day,' wow, is that ironic!"

Pietro looked around the group. "Okay, here's the plan. Logan and I shall go east, Peter can go back to headquarters to look around, and Remy and John…well I guess it'll be mainly Remy, you can go find a cake girl."

John smiled flirtatiously at Remy. "Let's go luv"

Pietro shook his head in disgust and noticed Logan running around without his leash. He growled and looked at Peter who was standing still looking to the side with his mouth open. "Peter, go back to headquarters. Peter?"

Peter slowly turned his head towards Pietro and grinned. "Dude, your sister's hot!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Hahaha! Bet ya didn't expect that…you probably did though. Damn you!**

**Sabertooth is…a slow runner, he never found Magneto yet.**


	9. You get a twelve year old to fight your ...

**Pyromaniac:**** Fight the white meat power!**

**I realized something important, in the first chapter Pietro said the party was in one week, but in the second chapter I had "for the next couple of weeks" Oh well, it's in…. two weeks. (Give me time to fill everything in) So all these events were happening in a week.**

**I forgot to say it before but italics are thoughts or singing…you can probably figure out which is which. Also bolds are the name of a place.**

**Also, if you noticed in the last chapter, I started trying out Remy's accent. But I never got to fix all of the "that, the…etc" Oh well.**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Peter smiled. _"Wow who would've thought women's aerobics was this much fun!"_ he thought as he kicked in the air. _"But I can't shake off the feeling that I came here for a reason…oh yeah!" _ He waved goodbye to the ladies and started down the basement of the local **YMCA.**

**In the basement:**

"Oh Ken, I just love that shirt!" 

Peter stood outside the room to their secret headquarters. _"Oh my god, oh my god! Someone's in there! Didn't anyone read that **'You Don't Live Here' **sign? The nerve of some people! I gotta think of a plan…hmm I know!" _ Peter grinned and ran into the broom closet.

---------------------------------------------------

"Yummy!" Remy and John cried as they finished their dinner.

"John, I have t' give ya credit. Dis Chinese place dat ya found isn' dat bad!"

John smiled seductively. "Only the best for my Remy"

Remy chuckled nervously. "Ah, thanks. I think. So we have t' find a gal?"

"Yep!"

"Sweet! T' da bald guy's mansion!"

"After our fortune cookies"

"Kay"

John grinned and quickly read his fortune. "A picture's worth a thousand words" He frowned. "This isn't a fortune. I was cheated!"

Remy shrugged and pulled John up. "Oh well. Let's go"

---------------------------------------------------

Peter giggled to himself. _'Oh yes, I am the master!"_ He carefully looked over his superhero outfit consisting of a mop bucket on his head and a broom in his hand. _"It is time"_ He giggled again, jumped out of the broom closet and kicked down the door to HQ. He slapped himself in the head, after realizing what he had just done. _"Damnit! Oh well, I now know what to get the boss for his birthday." _

Peter struck a dramatic pose and looked around the room. "Come out foul demon!" He glanced around the room and noticed Kurt in the corner with a sock puppet on one foot and Ken in the other. "Oh no! It's the Blue Goblin!" He quickly went into metal form and jumped at Kurt.

Kurt burst out into tears and threw Ken at Peter's head. Seeing that it did no damage, he growled, pounded his feet on his chest and dove at Peter.

"I shall defeat you Superhero Man!"

"Take that Blue Goblin!"

"Oh yeah? Well take this!"

"Owies!"

Kurt laughed evilly "No one can defeat the Blue Goblin! I am invincible!"

Peter sighed. " Rule #287 in **My Guide To Be A Evil Villain**, never, ever say you are invincible. Five minutes after you say it, you get killed."

"Oh"

"So…I guess I win!"

"Damn"

And Peter defeats the Blue Goblin.

---------------------------------------------------

"*Sigh* Logan, I don't think Sabertooth would be hiding in an all girl's school locker room."

Logan stuck his tongue out at Pietro. "That's what you think." He smiled. "No giant kitty/man can resist a pre-teen girl's locker room!"

"I'm not going to answer that. Let's get out of here before someone finds us."

"Okay."

They snuck out of the room only to realize the gym class had already started.

"Oh just great!" Pietro cried after he got Logan and himself back into the changing room before anyone had noticed them. "Now, what are we going to do?"

Logan looked around the room. "Only one thing we can do." He picked up a spare gym uniform and threw it at Pietro. "We're going drag!"

---------------------------------------------------

"I need to know, Blue Goblin/Kurt. Why didn't you just 'poof' or 'bamf" or whatever you do, out of here?"

"Oh, I never thought of that."

"Smooth move, furball"

---------------------------------------------------

"I look like a girl!"

"That's the main idea Pietro, let's go."

The two left the locker room, and joined the girls in the gym.

"Well, well, well, look's like we got ourselves a couple of new kids." 

Pietro and Logan looked at the speaker and gulped. "A bully!" Logan whispered. "Where's Jamie when you need him?"

Pietro stared at Logan. "You get a twelve year old to fight your battles?"

"He's good."

"Really?"

The coach marched up to them and looked at Logan. "You're a pretty big girl, are you sure you belong in this class?"

"Um…yes…sir?"

The coach smiled. "Nice to see I get some respect around here." She said. "What's your name kid?"

"Uhhhh"

"Um, her name is…Rogan!"

The coach's eyes darted to Pietro. "Lord's sake, you're some prissy looking!"

"That hurt!"

"What's your name?"

"Sietro"

"Odd names"

Pietro smiled sadly. "Our parents were cruel and unusual."

"Makes sense. You can call me coach." She turned around and looked at the rest of the girls. "Okay ladies! Line up for the cheerleading practice!"

Pietro's eyes widened. "Cheerleading? I already saw Peter and John do cheers, and now I have to see you too!"

Logan wiped away tears. "This is the happiest day of my life!"

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Pyromaniac****: Don't you dare laugh at my poor attempt to do Remy's accent!**

**I'm sorry that this chapter was short...I was going to add in more but I wanted to leave it for the next chapter. You'll love it…you better.**


	10. Vegetables are healthy!

**Pyromaniac: I'm sorry about Remy's accent. I haven't heard it for a long time, so I don't remember his original voice.**

**What exactly happened in Under Lock and Key? I haven't seen that episode yet. But I would love it if someone knew where to get it, along with the last four episodes in season two. Hehehe I need a life.**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

We join Remy and John, driving through Bayville in Remy's car, searching for the cake girl.

"You ready Rem? Let's go get 'em.."

"Wha da hell are ya talkin' 'bout, John?"

_"Look for me! Young, Rem. Cruisin down the westside - high, way. Doing what we like to do - our, way"_

"Shut up"

"But Remy-luv! You won't play any music on the stereo, so I have to sing for you!"

"Sing anythin' but dat song"

"Kay…. I'll sing a different song but ya gotta promise me you'll sing with me."

"How 'bout…..non. I'll sing da song an' ya gotta sing wit me?"

"Sure luv!"

"Before I sing it, I 'ave a story behind it."

"Fine then, tell me…you'll just tell me anyway

"Ya see, dis girl I'm datin, is jealous."

"Of who?"

"You."

John giggled. "And the problem is?"

"She saw us together so much dat she now thinks…we're more den just friends."

"And?"

"We're not"

"Oh."

"I don't know what to do"

"Say it isn't true."

"Alright…" _Honey came in an' she caught me red-handed _

_Hangin' wit the boy next door._

"Boy next door?"

"Your room is beside me."

"Go on."

_Picture dis we were both not-naked _

_Sittin' on da kitchen floor_

"We were?"

"Eatin' dinner."

"Vegetables are healthy!"

_How could I forget _

_Dat I had given her an extra key _

"For shame."

_All dis time she was standin' dere _

_She never took her eyes off da veggies_

John smiled. "You came to the right guy I'll help you out." _How you can grant the woman access to your villa?_

_Trespasser and a witness while you cling on your pillow_

"There wasn' a pillow, John."

"Can you think of something that rhymes with 'villa'?"

"Good point"

_You better watch your back before she turn into a killer_

_Best for you and the situation not to call the beaner_

"Just one touch an' she can kill me."

_To be a true buddy you should be able to play_

_If she say you're can't, convince her say you're gay_

"Oh, you'll love dat, wouldn't' t' ya?"

_Never admit to a word when she say makes a claim _

_And you tell her baby no way_

Remy shook his head sadly. _But she caught us at da counter_

_It isn't true_

_Saw us sittin' on da sofa_

_It isn't true_

_I even saw ya in da shower_

"Pervert!" _It isn't true_

_I had it all  on camera_

"*Giggle* Fresh!" _It isn't true_

_She saw da marks on my shoulder_

"Marks?"

"Pillow fights."

_It isn't true_

_Heard da words dat I told ya_

_It isn't true_

_Heard da laughter gettin' louder_

_It isn't true_

_She stayed until it was over_

"You have a stalker not a girlfriend."

_Honey came in an' she caught me red-handed_

_Hangin' wit da boy next door _

_Picture dis we were both not-naked _

_Sittin' on da kitchen floor_

"Sound's innocent enough." 

_I had tried to keep her from wat_

_She though she had seen _

_Why should she believe me _

_When I told her it isn't true_

John sighed and threw his arm around Remy. _Make sure she knows it's not true and lead her on _

_The right prefix whenever you should see her make the giggolo flex _

"I ave' no clue wat ya're talkin' 'bout"

_As funny as it be by you, it not that complex _

_Seeing is believing so you better change your specs _

_You know she not gonna be worrying bout things from the past_

_Hardly recollecting and then she'll go to noontime mass _

_Your answer: go over there but if she pack a gun _

_You know you better run fast_

"She can still catch me." _But she caught us at da counter _

_It isn't true_

_Saw us sittin' on da sofa _

_It isn't true_

_I even saw ya in da shower _

_It isn't true_

_I had it all on camera_

_It isn't true_

_She saw da marks on my shoulder_

_It isn't true_

_Heard da words dat I told ya_

_It isn't true_

_Heard da laughter gettin' louder_

_It isn't true_

_She stayed until it was over _

"Keep going Remy."

_Honey came in an' she caught me red-handed. _

_Hangin' wit da boy next door._

_Picture dis we were both not-naked _

_Sittin' on da kitchen floor_

_How could I forget _

_Dat I had given her an extra key _

_All dis time she was standing dere _

_She never took her eyes off da veggies_

Remy sighed. _Gonna tell her dat I'm sorry for da pain dat I might've caused _

_I've been listenin' to ya reasonin' _

_It makes no sense at all_

"Well sorry."

_We should tell her dat I'm sorry for da pain dat I might've caused _

_You may think dat ya're a player _

_But ya're completely lost_

"Meanie."

_Honey came in an' she caught me red-handed. _

_Hangin' wit da boy next door._

_Picture dis we were both not-naked _

_Sittin' on da kitchen floor_

_How could I forget _

_Dat I had given her an extra key _

_All dis time she was standing dere _

_She never took her eyes off da veggies_

John grinned "We should sing more often." He said leaning back in the car seat.

"Not on ya life…bub."

John shuddered. "So are we going to Xavier's mansion?"

"Yep!"

"For a cake girl?"

"Yep!"

"Who?"

"Da gal I was singin' 'bout."

"There was a girl?"

"Idiot! Didn't ya listen' to da song?"

"I sang a reggae song!"

Remy frowned. "Now dat I think 'bout it, dat song didn't make a whole lot of sense."

"Oh well. Let's go!"

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Pyromaniac: *Sigh* You may hit me now. I re-did that song horribly. Oh well…it was fun.**

**For you stupid people, the very first song John sang was Jay Z's _03 Bonnie and Clyde_. (Horrible song) And the song that both Remy and John sang was Shaggy's _Wasn't Me._**

**To clear things up, John sang Shaggy's part, and Remy sang…the other guy's part. John sang all the _It isn't true _parts.**


	11. I love charades!

**Pyromaniac****: This was thought up at 11:30pm after our school's variety show**

**Monkey Chan****: I was Winnie the Pimp**

**Pyromaniac****: And you dirty danced**

**Monkey Chan****: Yes, yes I did to the thong song.**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay ladies! I've got the names of our new cheerleaders!"

Logan giggled and clenched his pom poms to his chest. _"Oh my god! Oh my god! I'm like so totally nervous!"_

"…And our cheerleading captain is…Rogan!"

"Woohoo!!!!!" Logan ran up and pushed the coach out of the way. "I would like totally like to thank the little people, I like love you guys!"

Pietro shook his head sadly. "He's becoming another Kitty…I'm frightened."

"Hey Sietro!"

"Huh?"

"You wanna try out for the basketball team?"

Pietro grinned. _"I love this school!"_

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay, okay who am I?"

"Oh I know! You're Michael Jackson."

"You're so good at this game!" Peter grinned and gave Kurt's holo-watch-thingie back. "You're next!"

"I love charades!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Sietro, your good."

"I know"

"Have you ever thought of trying out for our school's team?"

"Team?"

"I bet you can bring us to the championships!"

"Oh stop! You're making me blush…you really think I can do it?"

"Sure!"

"Sweet! I'll do it!" Pietro ran over and grabbed Logan's arm. "Forget the party! I'm going to be on a basketball team!"

"Weren't you like already on a like basketball team?"

"Huh?"

"Yea like you were, I like remember seeing that episode, it like totally rocked!"

"Episode?"

"Remember? You like framed your ex-friend Evan and like got him in jail."

"What?"

"And like then he got out, and some like people helped him like defeat you, and you like ended up in jail!"

"I was in jail?"

"But like thanks to a totally mysterious man, you like broke out and like joined the totally rockin' Brotherhood, Evan like joined the X Men, and Timmy totally fell down that like well, but was like later rescued by like Lassie, while like Mary had like this totally kickin' affair with that Michelle girl, who was like her brother's cousin's sister's aunt's half-brother twice removed."

"What?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"Oh wait, he was like rescued by like Laddie. Like my bad"

"Okay…"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Um John?"

"Wha?'

"Why are y' still wearin' dat cheerleadin' outfit?"

"Do you have a problem with it?"

"It's kinky"

"Let's keep this PG please"

"Fine den…how's da weather?"

----------------------------------------------------------------------- 

"Like, see ya Pietro! I'm like totally going to that awesome cheerleading competition."

"You're leaving me?"

"Like, don't have like, a sheep, Pietro. I'll like only be gone for a day."

"Oh"

"Like buh bye!"

And he left.

Pietro watched the bus drive away, and sighed. "He's going to get caught."

"Hey Sietro!"

"What?"

"You're on the team!"

"Oh my god!!!! " Pietro ran over to the rest of the team, and started jumping up and down.

"Come on team! Let's go and play our best!" The coach cried.

"Yea!"

"And if you don't win, I'll murder you all in your sleep"

"…Deal"

"That's the spirit! Get on the bus!"

Pietro sighed and leaned back in his seat. _"This is the life!"_ He chuckled and smiled at the girl beside him. "So, who are we playing?"

 "Bayville High" 

"Aw damnit!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Pyromaniac:**** I have never been on a cheerleading team, or a basketball one, so I have no idea what it's like. I just decided to speed things up, and kick Logan out…he'll be back soon. On to the important news, I made a site! **


	12. How ‘bout another drink, mes copains buv...

**Pyromaniac****: Dude, I haven't updated for a long time…freakish! I've been updating my site every few days though. Anyway, word of warning, I just watched Dude, Where's My Car and I have been listening to 80s music non-stop, so expect this chapter to be messed…damn you, catchy Madonna music!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Come on ladies! We got to get on the court in thirty minutes! What's taking you so long?"

"It's Sietro, coach!" A girl cried from within the bus. "She's gone insane!"

"Not Bayville!" Pietro cried as he clung to the bus driver's seat, while the rest of the team tried to pry him off. "What if Lance or the guys see me?"

"Who's Lance? Your boyfriend?"

"Lance? No! Although he does have a nice rear end…" Pietro trailed off, letting go of the seat

"Get her!"

"Eep!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay, which way is the mansion?"

"Da mansion?"

"Remember? We sang a song, and then you said we were going to get a cake girl at Xavier's mansion. Duh!"

"Oh…I dunno where it is"

"Smooth luv, real smooth"

"How 'bout we jus' drive 'roun town, 'til it's our time t' com back in da fic?"

"Can we go to the movies?"

"Sure!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Oh. My. God!"_

"Sietro, come on! We need to change into our uniforms!"

"Umm, you can go ahead…I'll be in there in a minute."

"Okay"

Pietro swallowed and looked at the sign on the door in front on him. Girl's Changing Room. _"Where no man has gone before."_ He thought.

Bayville High Girl's Basketball coach looked around the gym, and smirked. _"Perfect, another win for our team."_ She burst out in maniacal laughter, not noticing the people around her backing away. _"We shall be victorious!_ _Our team_ – Hey watch it you punk!" She glanced at the guy who bumped into her, and growled at his three friends before walking away.

"What was her problem, yo?"

"Dunno Todd, women are unpredictable" Lance said, earning a punch to the stomach from Wanda. "See?"

"Why are we here anyway?"

"We're here because we can, Fred. Now where's Pietro?"

"Pietro?'

"I can smell him nearby, we must find him"

The guys exchanged worried looks as Wanda started crawling on the floor, sniffing, looking for her brother. "Okay…wes a better be going and find a seat."

"Kay"

Fred looked at Todd as they walked around, looking for a place to sit. "What happened to you and Wanda anyway?"

"Well…" Todd trailed off as a flashback came.

_Flashback_

"How 'bout another drink, mes copains buvant?" Remy asked.

"Wait, evil Cajun! I know your plan! You're trying to get us all drunk so you can steal the fair Wanda away."

"Save me, my love!"

"I scant let him take you, Wanda dear." 

"Oh, Todd…"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Lance interrupted, ending the 'flashback' "That never happened!"

"Yeah!" Agreed Fred. "Since when has Remy spoken French?"

Lance and Todd shook their heads sadly. "No, really Todd. Tell us the truth."

"Fine then…"

_Flashback_

"How 'bout another drink, mes copains buvant?" Remy asked.

"Kay!" Lance reached his glass out as Remy re-filled it.

"No!" Todd jumped up and knocked the glass down. "It's poison, guys!"

"Todd, my love, you saved my teammate! How can I repay you?" Wanda asked walking towards him.

"I can think of several ways, starting with this" He said, kissing Wanda….

"Damnit Todd!" Lance screamed, making people scatter away. "Tell it right!"

"Meanies"

_Flashback_

"How 'bout another drink, mes copains buvant?" Remy asked.

"Hold it Remy, or should I say…Evil Alien Prince from Uranus!" Todd cried ripping off the mask….

Lance screamed and pinned Todd to the floor. "Tell it right!"

"*Sigh*"

_Flashback_

"How 'bout another drink, mes copains buvant?" Remy asked.

Fred and Lance nodded, reaching their glasses out for another drink, not noticing the evil look on Remy's face.

"Oh dear, I feel…faint" Lance dramatically put his hand to his head and fell to the floor, as Fred followed.

"Buwahahahahah!" Remy grabbed Wanda's arm and pulled her towards him. "Now, I shall take you away!"

"Wanda!"

"My love!"

"I won't let you take her!"

Remy grinned. "Oh yeah?" He pulled out a harmonica and blew on it.

"What is happening?"

Evil ninja guys dressed in black burst through the windows, doors, air vents, and even the toilet bowl and took a fighting stance.

"Buwahahahahah!" Remy cried as he ripped off his jacket to reveal a jet pack. "You will never see your beloved Wanda again. Buh bye!"

Todd watched Remy take off on his jet pack with Wanda in tow. "No!" He leapt into the air, and fought the ninjas, beating them all with one punch. "Now that that's settled, I must find Wanda."

"Todd!"

"Wanda! She must be on the roof." He ran outside and jumped on the roof. "There you are Remy! Give me back Wanda!"

"No, you must fight me first!"

"Fine then, but let's do this…Matrix style!"

Matrix music starts playing as Remy and Todd fight Matrix style.

"Ouch!" Remy hit the ground, clenching his stomach. "You can't defeat me!"

"But I did"

"No!" Remy burst into dust.

"Wanda my dear. Are you alright?"

"Yes, my dear, just looking at you makes everything right." She put her arms around him and passionately kissed him

"I wouldn't celebrate to soon, if I were you!"

Wanda gasped and hid behind her beloved. "Don't let that mysterious person take me away!"

The mysterious person laughed and threw off their cloak to reveal…Harry Potter!

"Harry Potter!" Todd and Wanda cried.

'That's right! Change of plans, though. I must now take the girl and you."

"No!"

"Buwahahahahah!" Harry Potter did a little spell and knocked them out. "Buwahahahahah! Buwahahahahah! Buwahahahahah!"

_End Flashback_

"…And that's when I learned that Clark Kent was really Superman" Todd grinned. "Fred? Lance? Oh well" He shrugged and walked off.

Pietro turned around. "Wow! That was one long minute!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Pyromaniac****: Oh man! I just re-read what I wrote...it's so…weird. I wasn't even planning to have the Brotherhood in there. Anyway, I got the idea of Todd's 'flashbacks' from the newest episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Just for the slow people, none of the 'flashbacks' were real, that was just Todd's little mind thinking of ways for him to save the day.**


	13. I fight for love and squirrels!

**Pyromaniac****: Ha! I started this chapter as soon as I finished the last one! **

**Does anyone remember the song '_Freshmen'_ by Verge Pipe? I can't find the lyrics. So...if anyone can find them, can you send them to me?**

**Bayville High's Girl's Basketball Coach, is now called 'Rival Coach'.**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Pietro swallowed and pushed the door open. _"Come on Pietro! Keep your eyes closed! Don't you dare open them!"_

"Guys, how nasty! My Hello Kitty panties have a tear in them!"

_"Hello Kitty…"_

"Has anyone seen my bra? I lost it!"

_"Damnit Pietro! Don't give in!"_

"Girls, hurry up! We need to get out on the court! Sietro, why aren't you dressed yet?"

"Uh, PMS cramps?"

"Get out there!"

"Yikes!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Remy-luv, stop the car!"

"Why?"

"I sense a disturbance in the force!"

"Uh, oh"

"We must help our comrade!"

"Kay"

"But we need to make one stop first…."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Wow, lookie at all the girls!"_

"Sierto, pass me the ball!"

"Huh? Eep!" Pietro covered his eyes as a bunch of the other team's players ran at him, trying to get the ball.

"Sietro get over here!"

"Yes coach?"

"Get out there and show no mercy!"

"Hell ya!" Pietro grinned and using his super cool speed, got the ball and scored.

"Go Sietro!"

"Hmm" Rival Coach frowned. "That prissy looking girl is doing very well. She must be a guy it's only logical! Now I must think of an evil plan to wreak this team's chances of winning. I know!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"__R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Take care, TCB!"_ Peter sang as Kurt danced around.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pietro chuckled. _"If only Daniels was here…I would cream him!  Buwahahaha-what the?_" Pietro skidded to a stop. _"Speed Demon Chow? Okay…_ Nancy, pass the ball!"

"No!" Rival Coach threw her acme launcher at the wall in frustration. "I almost had him!"

Halfway through the game both teams were tied, and Rival Coach spent the entire time trying to knock 'Sietro' out of the game so her team could win.

"Geez, I could have sworn those evil pixies could have done the job. Darn. Now I must think of something else…of course! It's so obvious! Why didn't I think of it sooner?"

_"Oh man, I shouldn't have had that last mountain dew…I gotta go bad!"_ Pietro started over to the bathroom, not realizing what room he was going into.

"Caught you!" Rival Coach leapt onto Pietro. "You're going into the boys bathroom, missy...or should I say Mr!"

The crowd gasped

Coach ran over and shook her head in disbelief "Is it true Sietro?"

"…And if it is?"

"Ha!" Rival Coach laughed as Coach burst out into tears. "She's really a guy, and the rules say boys can't play basketball!'

"That's not true!" Teammate #1 cried

"The rules say-"

"The rules say, and I quote; _Anyone can play the game of basketball except a member of the canine family _"

"Those darn dogs!" Pietro said angrily

"So, Sietro can still play?" Coach asked

"I guess…"

"Yeah!" The team cheered as they raced back on the court.

5 minutes later Pietro scored and the team won.

"Yeah!" Balloons fell from the ceiling and people from the crowd ran to hug and applauded Pietro.

And the credits roll…

"Wait a minute!" Pietro ran out of the crowd. "Guys, this isn't a kid's movie! I have to find my dad!"

"Oh"

"Don't you dare lay one finger on him!"

Pietro froze. "That voice!"

The gymnasium door fell as a mysterious person in a cape and top hat, and a person wearing something resembling a schoolgirl uniform, kicked it down.

"Oh dear lord!"

"I'm Sailor John!"

The mysterious person in a cape lifted a rose. "An' I'm Tuxedo…somethin'!"

"Let me finish my speech!"

"Sorry"

"As I was saying…. I'm Sailor John! I fight for love and squirrels! And in the name of French vanilla frozen yogurt, I shall punish you!"

"Fo' shame, pickin' on a poor defenceless cross-dresser is wrong, I'm Tuxedo Somethin'!"

The crowd sweat dropped anime style, as the two started to do poses.

"Um guys." Pietro waved his hand around. "I'm alright"

"Oh…well dis was a waste of time!"

"It's not my fault Remy!"

"Y' insisted dat we try on all da costumes"

John giggled. "When have you seen me give up the chance to see you change clothes? Plus, that teddy bear costume was just adorable on you!"

Pietro, Remy, and all the people in the gymnasium shuddered.

"Well," John grabbed Pietro's hand. "Sense you're safe I think it's time we left, say bye, bye to all the nice people"

"Bye..." Pietro, Remy and John left the gymnasium

"Pour l'amour de dieu! Cela gênait!"

"What did he say?"

"He likes my skirt"

"Wait a minute…"

"Let's go get your daddy, Snugglebunny!" John said nervously

"Kay…I have the funniest feeling right now"

"Maybe it's gas"

"Probably, let's go"

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Pyromaniac****: Yeah…if you didn't notice, I was poking fun of those Air Bud movies. I just realized something, I have two more chapters to go…wow I've been working on this story for more then a month, almost two.**


	14. Let’s never fight again

**Pyromaniac****: God, I'm so sick of this story! I've been writing it forever! Don't worry I'm going to finish it…soon. It's sad when you're the author of the story and you have to go to the very beginning of the fic so you can remember the plot.**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pop Tate's Place 

"Yummy! Strawberry malts taste even better when you're sharing it!"

"Y' got dat rig't!"

Pietro sighed. They had been at Pop's for a couple of hours and Remy and John were still drinking their malt. "Can we go yet?"

"Nope, I have a craving for another one. Hey Pop, bring us one more!"

Pop laughed. "One strawberry malt coming up!"

"Remember, two straws!"

"Can do!"

The bell located over the door rang and a group of 'teens' walked in.

"Look gang!" One of them cried. "That prissy looking guy and his friends are at our regular table."

"Why does everyone think I'm prissy looking?"

"Dunno. I 'ope y' know y' are still wearin' a girl's gym uniform"

"Eep!" Pietro ran into the bathroom

"Okay…hey! Stay away from our girls" The redhead in the group cried, noticing the blond and brunette females gathered around Remy.

"Is it Remy's fault if da ladies flock t' 'im?"

"Come on Archie" A male brunette said to the redhead. "Let's show this guy who's the ladies man around Riverdale"

John stood up quickly. "Wait a minute! We're in Riverdale? Don't they make root beer here?"

"No… now move it pretty boy and let us beat up red eyes over there."

"Pretty boy? Thanks! Wait! Nobody calls Remy-luv 'red eyes' and gets away with it." He picked up a glove and slapped the brunette across the face. "I challenge you to a duel!"

"Now, now" Remy stood up and gently pushed John behind him. "Let da big boys 'andle dis, Jo'nny. Anyway," He took the glove from John and slapped Archie across the face. "I c'allenge y' t' a duel"

"Ouch! My beautiful face"

"Hahaha"

"Shut up Reggie!"

"Sorry, let's gang up on him!"

"I don't think you guys should do that…" A male brunette wearing a crown said.

"We'll be fine, Jughead" The two boys ran at Remy.

Remy chuckled and grabbed a card from his pocket. "It's deux against little 'ol moi, dat's not fair," He charged up the card. "Dis will even it up!" He cried throwing it. "Bye, bye mes amis!"

Big Boom!

"Remy-luv!" John threw his arms around Remy and kissed him on the cheek. "You sure showed those mean boys whose boss around here!"

"But of course" Remy waved goodbye to the girls as they walked away, their arms wrapped around Jughead. "Let's 'ave another malt!"

----------------------------------------------------------

"You know something," Fred commented as he and the rest of the Brotherhood walked away from the school. "That Sietro person who was really a guy, looked a lot like someone I know."

"I know" Lance looked at Todd. "What about you?"

"Same, yo"

"So familiar…" Wanda trailed off.

"Oh my gosh!"

"What Freddy?"

"I know who it was!"

"Who?"

"Think about it."

"Well what do you know, yo?"

"I know!"

"Wow, who would have thought that the pizza guy who delivered our pizza last night, liked to dress-up in girl's clothing and play basketball?" Wanda chuckled at the thought.

"It's a small world."

----------------------------------------------------------

"Man, what a relief to finally get out of this training bra and back into my push-up!" Pietro threw it in the garbage as he walked out of the bathroom. "Hey! What happened to those pre teen comic guys?"

"Dey decided dat dey didn't like dis place anymore." Remy stated as they walked outside.

"Oh, too bad."

"Um oui" Remy smiled. "Too bad...'ey! Is dat w'o I t'ink dat is?"

"What?"

A taxi pulls up, nearly hitting them as it swerved up the curb.

"Uh oh"

The taxi door get swung open and a very pissed off looking squirrel jumps out.

"Sensei?"

"Squeak, squeaken!"

"Um no, Sensei. I didn't forget you."

"Da squirrel was gone?"

John slapped his hand across his face in frustration. "Vrai lisse"

"I'm da only one w'o can speak Frenc' 'ere!"

"Says who?"

"Da system!"

"Damn their oily hinds!"

"Squeak?"

"Oh yeah, I didn't forget you Sensei! It was…Pietro!"

"What? Leave me out of this!"

The squirrel slowly turned his head towards Pietro. "Squeak," he started to walk towards him. "Squeaken, squeak, squeak, squeaken"

"Umm" Pietro began to back away.

"Squeak!" The squirrel leapt at Pietro.

"Help!"

"Oh Remy-luv" John said softly snuggling up to his beloved as Pietro ran screaming as the squirrel chased him back and forth. "Will you ever forgive me?"

"For the love of god, help!" cried Pietro as the squirrel threw him into a conveniently placed light pole.

"I dunno…it 'urt"

"He's trying to rip my gorgeous hair out of my handsome head!"

"Oh Remy, I never meant to hurt you"

"Please! Oh no, not my face, that's my money maker!"

"I know, Jo'nny…"

"Someone!" The squirrel grabbed Pietro's head and dunked it into a puddle. The squirrel waited a couple of seconds and pulled his head out of the puddle. "Help!" He dunked it again.

"Remy…"

"Me!" Pietro cried as the squirrel lifted up his head. 

"Jo'nny…"

"Please!"

"Let's never fight again."

"Y' got dat rig't, Jo'nny"

"What are you doing Sensei?"

The squirrel looked up with wide, innocent eyes. "Squeak?"

"Yes you" 

"…Squeaken"

"I understand, we all act odd when we're drunk."

"Drunk?" Pietro spat out some of the dirty water in his mouth. "It's lying!"

"Pietro, da little animal wouldn't 'urt a fly."

Pietro jumped up from the sidewalk and pointed accusingly at Remy. "It's gotten to you too!"

"You're paranoid"

"I know you are but what am I?"

Remy and John glance at each nervously. "Okay…"

"Squeak" The squirrel lifted its paw up towards Pietro.

"No! I don't want to shake and be friends!" He glanced at the group, wild-eyed. "I know your little secret, and you know, it won't work!"

"Y' better sit down, Pietro."

"I won't be silenced! I'll tell the army! I'll tell the whole world!"

"Pietro, you're starting to scare me…not that I am complaining" John giggled.

"Ohhhh, you haven't seen nothing yet!"

"Pietro," Remy held up his hands in a calming gesture. "Now just sit down an' let's talk 'bout dis over some tea."

"It's full of poison I bet!"

"Uh…Non"

"Stay away from me or I'll-" Pietro fell to the ground.

"Wat da?

"Hey!"

"Peter, Kurt! How da 'ell are y'?"

"Good, good…where's Sabretooth?"

"Dunno…let's get some pizza!"

"Great idea!"

"By da way, Peter, t'anks for knockin' Pietro out." Remy grinned as they walked across the street towards the nearest pizza place.

"It was fun!" Peter picked Pietro's unconscious body and flung him over his shoulder. He turned to the camera and winked, "And that's the end of that chapter!"

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Pyromaniac****: I lied. There will be more than one chapter left in this story. I have no self control. Monkey Chan plans to write an insert chapter for this story soon. It will be included with the rest of the chapters.**

**Viva la Resistance!**


	15. Does this mean I have to return the whip...

**Pyromaniac****: Oh guys! I'm so sorry, it's just I've been so busy lately with school and stuff…plus the whole car accident! *Cough* Yeah…that and silently cursing people's site layouts…damn their amazing ability with html! Wait…forget that, you weren't suppose to read that.**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

_"Pepperoni! Pepperoni! How I want my pepperoni! Lala la lalala, lala la lalala, something, something o' day!"_ John clapped his hands as the group finished singing. "Now lets sing the mushroom song!"

"Jo'nny, we already sang a song 'bout green peppers, anc'ovies, an' bacon bits! W'en are y' going t' order?"

"Soon….singing about the topping helps me decide what I want"

"As crazy as that sounds," Kurt took the last sip of his soda and frowned at it. "It makes sense…. _I need a- refill!_ _I won't try to hide, or even deny it! I need a- refill! I won't cause a riot just don't get me a diet!_"

"Aw!" John threw his arms around Kurt. "You're so cute…" He grinned mischievously "…And fuzzy! Remy-luv, remind yourself to return the teddy bear outfit!"

"Can do!"

"So…Kurty, how are you doing with the X Geeks?"

Peter cleared his throat. "For your information, John. The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants calls the X Men that name, we use the correct term, X Men"

"Peter, nobody asked y' anyt'ing"      

"Oh"

"Anyway, Kurty how are you doing with the X…Men?"

"Good. Why?"

"Remy and I need a new playmate, how about it?"

Remy spat out his drink as Kurt blushed. "Jo'n!"

"What?"

"X-nay on da play-nay!"

"What?"

"His manhood has been threatened, it's common sense that he would overreact over such a small thing."

Remy crushed his glass in his hand as John and Kurt burst out laughing.

"Peter, s'ut up"

"What?"

"Remy-luv took that comment a different way"

"Oh…sorry. I meant that, Remy feels threatened by young Kurt here. After all, his boyfriend just about kicked him out of the…."

"Continue"

"There are innocent ears here." Peter pointed out as he placed his hands over Kurt's ears.

"O'…wait a minute!" 

John burst out into giggles. "Remy-luv! I never thought you would commit yourself to a serious relationship!"

"Non! It's all a lie! Dere's not'ing between us!"

"Nothing?" Tears sprung to John's eyes.

"We're…jus' good friends"

"Good friends can do it"

Peter frowned, "This isn't a slash fic guys so tone it down!"

"It's not?" John whimpered, "Does this mean I have to return the whip?"

"I'll buy it off of you!" offered Kurt. "My old whip got worn out."

The gang shudders.

"Chirp!"

"Monsieur Squirrel! I forgot y' were 'ere, w'at do y' need?"

"Chirp!"

"Da salt? 'Ere y' go!"

"Chirppin"

"W'y do y' need a knife?"

"Squeak!"

"Honestly, Remy," Peter sighed. "How ever is he supposed to cut his French fries in half?"

"O, all I got is dis butc'er knife"

"Chirp, squeaken"

"'Ere"

"Hey, waitress lady! Can I have a plain pizza?"

"Jo'n! We sang all dose songs an' y' get a plain pizza?"

"Yep!"

Remy sighed and started to eat with the gang.

"Oh, man! My head!" Pietro mumbled as he regained consciousness. "What happened?"

"Chirp?"

"What the?" Pietro glanced up and saw the squirrel in front of him holding a very large butcher knife. 

"Pietro?" 

"I think he fainted"

"Oh well…"  

"Guys, I better go"

"Aw, why Kurt?"

"I've been gone for almost a week, the professor is probably worried"

"Yea', Kurt 'bout dat…w'y did we kid-nap y' anyway?"

"I-…I don't know"

"Think guys," John said. "Why are we here anyway? Were we looking for something?"

"Or someone?"

The gang looked thoughtful.

"…Wanna go bowling?"

"Sure!"

And they did.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Pyromaniac****: I wrote the first part about a week ago…it doesn't seem funny anymore. Oh well, I'm too lazy to re-do it. Kurt's song is sung to the tune of _Slave 4 U_ and John's…some Italian song.**


	16. Who the hell is Eric?

**Pyromaniac: *Chuckles* Am I horrible at updating or what? But, it's really not my fault…*glares at the Acolytes playing strip poker* I blame my muses.**

**First order of business. New layout is finished. I just have to…you know, use it. A bunch of new thing is going to be added as well.**

**Second order of business. Updating is going to be much, much quicker. Buffy The Vampire Slayer is ending soon so I'll be able to be here, at the computer writing, instead of at one of my friend's house watching Buffy with the guys…can't wait! Not that I don't like Buffy or anything, it's just that I want to finish this story before summer. The odd thing this story was going to end in February. Heh, heh, my bad. **

**Third order business, X2. I just saw it, baby! I'm a bit disappointed that they took away Peter's and John's accents, though. I think you waited long enough, on with the story! BTW, this chapter was originally started by moi, but apparently I need to password protect my files because at some point Elle got a hold of this chapter. I am not responsible for the Eminem reference here… frankly I'm not sure who to blame for that. Now I have to change the rating to PG-13. Anyway here's the story. Elle's email is Shoujo_Kakumei_Elle@hotmail.com in case you want to flame her. He he, fire.**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

**Bayville Bowl-A-Roonie**

"Crash, boom, bang!" Peter exclaimed, doing a little dance as the ball knocked all the pins down. "Another strike for Superhero Man!"

"Superhero Man?" Pietro asked. 

"Long story" replied Kurt and Peter. 

"Kurt, what are you still doing here?" asked Pietro. 

"Two reason really. One is that the other X Men are on lane four playing a couple of strings. The second is for all the fan girls out there who want a piece of this fine fuzzy-man!" 

"Blue is my favorite color!" Peter commented as he appraised Kurt with his eyes. 

Remy chuckled at the disturbed look on Pietro's face and slyly slipped his arm around John, who was sitting next to him. "Are y' goin' t' play, Jo'nny?"

"Uh uh" John said, shaking his head. "This game is positively barbaric, Remy-luv. Those poor pins never even had a chance to defend themselves from Peter throwing that big ball down the lane."

"Chirp!"

"See? Sensei agrees with me…Sensei! Be careful of Pietro's drink, you might fall in!"

Pietro yelled and stamped his feet. "Curse you John! I almost had him!"

Pietro and the squirrel stare at each other evilly.

"Y' 're overreacting Jo'n," Remy smiled. "It doesn't matter if da pins get hit an' fall down."

"Really, Remy!" John stood up and walked away. "I at least thought you'd agree with me!" He yelled over his shoulder.

Pietro stood-up and grabbed a bowling ball. "Don't worry, Remy. He won't stay mad for long."

"Dat's Jo'n for y'" Remy said with a shrug.

"Stand back Rasputin and let a pro show you how to bowl." Pietro called to Peter as he rolled the ball down the lane.

"Come on ball!" All three cried.

"Nooooooo!" John cried jumping in the ball's way. "I'll save you pins!"

Peter, Remy and the squirrel winced as the bowling ball smashed into John.

"What the hell!" Pietro ran over to John's bruised body. "What was the big idea of jumping in front of the pins?"

"I did it for … Johnny" gasped John.

The gang stared at him, "I'm confused, aren't y' Jo'n?" asked Remy.

"OMG! It's an imposter!" screamed Pietro. The gang jumped Imposter John.

"I'm the real John!"

"Prove it" Peter challenged.

John got off the floor. "Lights!" he called. The lights went dim. "Music!" music began to play. "Random background dancers!" A group of steroid hyped dancers paraded out dressed as John/Pyro.

Peter stands up on his chair and calls out across the lanes.

_May I have your attention please?  
May I have your attention please?  
Will the real St. John make some stupid remark?  
I repeat; will the real St. John make some stupid remark?_

All the John look-alikes start talking incoherently. Peter frowns.

_I feel a headache coming on…_

Original Impostor John begins to sing:

_Y'all act like you never seen a pyromaniac before  
Start one little fire and you throw me out the door  
How was I suppose to know that it would burn through the floor?  
The gang don't believe that it's really me {*Ahh!*}  
It's the return of the... Jedi… god damn it!   
Did I make an annoying reference to the Star War's trilogy?   
And Dr. McCoy said... bite me mutant freaks!   
Dr. McCoy's gone, he's locked in my bedroom! {*Oh yeah!*}  
Guys a bit brawny love sweet little Johnny_

{*Peter and Remy giggling*}

_Remy, I'm obsessed with him  
Look at 'em, struttin' around   
Throwin' those kinetic emblems  
Beatin' that X-Men crew,_

Rogue appears from nowhere

_"Yea' there's a guy Ah'd like tah sc---!"_

Rogue winks at Remy and exits. Remy smiles and scrambles after her. Original Impostor John jumps in front of him and blocks the door.

_Yeah, I know that sometimes I act pretty damn loose  
Flirtin' with any guy with a nice tight caboose!  
Just showin' a little skin an' tryin' to seduce, he he he  
I like to talk to squirrels and play duck, duck, goose!_

Remy tries to get pass John but fails. He sits down on a seat and Peter pats his back sympathetically. John gives the crowd a V sign and jumps on the bar counter. His head hits a light and smashes it, sending sparks everywhere, including his hair.

_My hair is on fire; my hair is on fire.  
If I don't put it out, I just might expire.  
Stop, drop and roll is what I tell the Pyro fan kids  
Does anybody know where the fire extinguisher is?  
Oh well, it probably will go out in a bit  
Does anyone need a Popeye candy stick lit?  
At what point did they stop calling it a kid cigarette?_

"I always thought that candy looked like the devil's work!" Pietro shouted over the music.

Peter shook his head sadly. "No Pietro, just the product of slick cigarette marketing schemes towards minors in the early nineties.

_Mutants ain't nothin' but heroes; well, some of us zeroes  
Who when they lose a fight go cry into their pillows {*Whah!*}_

"John! That was our little secret!" cried Scott, "sniff, well I know when I'm not wanted! C'mon gang!" He leaves with the rest of the X Men bowling team.

_The Acolyte team is world-renowned!  
Our stupidity though is sure to astound! {*Ha ha!*}  
It's a good thing our costumes are the coolest around!  
This song has been lots of fun, too bad we're almost done!_

_I'm St. John; yes I'm the original St. John  
All you other St. John's are made in Taiwan!  
So won't the real St. John please make a stupid remark,  
Please make a stupid remark?_

Everyone starts rambling incoherently again, including the other Acolytes and other Bayville bowlers.

_Uh Oh  
Guess there's a little St. John in all of us  
That must make the firefighters damn anxious!_

"That song made no sense whatsoever!" exclaimed Peter. 

Everyone stares at Original Imitation John 

"Jo'nny!" screams Remy and embraces Original Imitation John, now proven as Real Non-Imitation John, in a hug. "I knew it was y' all along!" The whole crowd begins to cheer. Streamers and balloons come down from the ceiling. Peter gives the thumbs up to Kurt. Pietro and the squirrel grab hands/paws and start dancing around in circles.

"Wait a minute!" Kurt cried. All the cheering stops as Remy let go of John. Pietro and the squirrel stop dancing and quickly scurry off to either side of Peter. "Why did you do it for 'Johnny'?"

"It's a line from a song."

"Oh."

"Once again I can't help but think we are forgetting something important…" Peter pondered as he looked around at the John/Pyro dancers continue dancing.

At that moment Sabretooth came bursting through the door… literally.

"Guys! I know where Eric is!

John turned to Remy. "Who the hell is Eric?"

"Jo'n, y' still 'ave a potty mouth leftover from dat song."

"What song, Remy-luv?"

Pietro began to run around the bowling alley. "Get it away! It's trying to kill me!" The squirrel blinked and dropped the chainsaw. 

John giggled. "Silly squirrel, chainsaws are for lumberjacks… or for upcoming serial killers." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Elle: That was fun!**

**Pyromaniac: I'm writing chapters when you are asleep for now on. Don't forget to review!**


	17. You got beat by a squirrel? You pansy!

**Pyromaniac****: Well, I'm back! If you haven't noticed, I started another story when this fic was on hiatus, High School Stereotypes. So…read it! I apologize for the wait, I'm busy with Acolytes 'R' Us, and trying to finish chapters to Just Another B Movie Flick and High School Stereotypes. I also have new stories in the process so look out for those. Also, though I changed my pen name because of the rule, I'm still calling myself Pyromaniac. **

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"Guys?" Sabertooth frowned. "I was talking here." 

"You were?" Pietro frowned at him, "about what?" 

"I said I know where your dad is" 

"You do?" Pietro cried as the gang did a victory dance. 

"I was wondering what we were looking for!" John exclaimed 

"So," Pietro looked behind Sabertooth, "where is he?" 

Sabretooth blinked "Oh! You wanted me to bring him to you?" 

"Well duh!" 

Saberooth sniffed as tears started to fall, "you don't have to be so mean." 

"Oh great! Y' made da vicious killer cry," Remy said, shaking his fist at Pietro. 

"You big bully!" Peter cried. 

"Sorry" 

"That's better," Sabretooth wiped away his tears, "anyway…um…hee hee Magneto can't come right now" 

"Why not?" 

"Well, you said you wanted me to keep him away…so I tried to kill him!" 

"Wha? But, but, where is he now?" 

"Umm I think he's in special care at the hospital," Sabretooth said. His eyes lit up as he noticed where he was, "can I play as well?" 

"Sure!" Peter ran over and grabbed his arm, "he's on my team!" he said to Pietro and Remy, "you guys can have John, but I want the squirrel too" 

John sighed and tapped his foot impatiently, "I hate to ruin your fun, but we do have to find the boss." 

"Jo'nny? Y' actually wan' t' find Magneto?" Remy smiled happily as the rest of the Acolytes applauded, "y' care 'bout da mission!' 

"No, silly!" John lifted his hand to his mouth and giggled, "I've been wanting a hot tub, and I want to find Mags so he can buy me one!' 

"…That's actually a good idea," remarked Peter. 

"Alright, Acolytes," Pietro turned around and smirked as his teammates quickly stood in a line, side by side, "this mission will be extremely dangerous!" He started to walk back and forth. "Hospitals are not pleasant places. They smell. There are numerous doctors, and evil needles." 

"W'at 'bout naughty nurses?" 

"The last one we had in Bayville ran off with Toad." 

"Ew…" 

Pietro cleared his throat and the Acolytes gathered around in a circle. "Alright, here's the plan…" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Miss? Hi, we're looking for Mr. Lehnsherr." 

"Third floor, room 305." 

"Thank you very much." 

"Well, Pietro," John said with a slight frown as he adjusted the numerous 'Get Well, Boss Man!' and the 'Humanity Wants You To Get Better So You Can Destroy Them…So Get Better, Because If You Don't, The World Wouldn't Be Human Free And Your Plan Went Down The Drain' balloons in his hands, "I'm sorry, but this is the lamest plan you have ever thought of. You know the fans were expecting something more creative from us." 

Peter gasped, "but John, if we didn't do this plan, we wouldn't have gotten to go to the local balloon store and played with the helium!" 

"That was fun!" 

Remy held back tears as he looked around the reception room. "Let's jus' grab da boss an' get de hell out of here." 

"No need for swearing, Rem," John stated, "but I do want to get out of here as soon as possible. I had to leave Sensei outside, and I fear for its safety!" 

"Don't worry about Sensei, John," Peter smiled, "it can take care of itself." 

"Yeah, don't y' remember it kickin' Pietro's ass?" 

Sabretooth chuckled as Pietro got a murderous expression on his face. "You got beat by a squirrel? You pansy!" 

"…Let's go get Magneto." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"_Acting on your best behavior. Turn your back on Mother Nature. Everybody wants to rule the world!_" Magneto sang along with the song, as he relaxed in his hospital bed. "This is the life. Who cares if half the bones in my body are broken? I'm rid of my lackeys!" 

"Daddy!" 

"What the fuck?" 

"What did he do to you?" Pietro squealed 

"Oh no…" Magneto's eyes widened as he spotted his team near the doorway. "This isn't happening…" 

"Mags!" John ran over and jumped on his boss's bed. "We brought you balloons! See?" he held them up, "we got red and purple and pink and…uh…silver! Or is it white?" he glared at Pietro. "Well Pietro, which one is it?" he demanded. 

"…John, that's blue." 

"Oh…so it is!" 

"Lackeys!" Magneto struggled to sit up, "how did you find me?" 

Sabretooth raised a paw/hand, "that would be me. Before I chucked your bloody body in a car full of teenage girls, I stuck a 'if this evil villain is missing, send to a hospital...or throw his body in the woods, which ever you feel like' sticker on your back."

"Oh... but what happened to my missing wallet? They won't let me leave until I pay them." 

"Yeah, I stole that so I could pay for my chilli fries." 

The Acolytes gasped and glared at Sabretooth. 

"You. Bought. Chilli. Fries?" Peter said slowly 

"An' didn't share wit' us?" 

"Get him, boys!" Pietro yelled 

And they did.


End file.
